disappointment. in myself that is.... game with Tanglin today...yeah we won...happy that we made it to the 2nd round...but haii, i don't noe i just don't feel a sense of achievement coz i realli din play my best today. so pissed off. see the ball, go for it then neva intercept...drives all not there.... passes so bad....was very cautious about my ankle..damn, i shd have just told noraida that i wanst up to her standard. still can remember her saying after either 2nd or 1st quater. stating her expectations and whether i cld play or not. idiot me i feel like just argh screaming at myself. argh argh. so disappointed arh. if i couldn't play my best today i should have just TOLD noraida and other ppl cld play beta. trying so hard to be strong for my ankle till im so cautious. this is so payback time man.on thurs. so angry! why?! why?! even after being 'warned' by her i still do the same in the last quater and even third for that matter..she should have just taken me out serve me right. wana maki so much at myself.
anyway, whatever it is we still made it to second round. yea fana did very well in this game. guez all her practise shooting came out well. yea. cont practising fana and make the dunman gs shocked. haha. yea all of them worked hard today. they deserve it. somehow i dont.
just watched MISSING. so freaky.
.:enamored_hunn was pricked and bled at 9:30:00 pm:.
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what didi said was amusing... ahaha...
"nw ala jz get a pair.Even wen ur leg getz better,bhind da scene, kau trainlah sebrape terok kau nak, bt juz 4 show, u cum 2 sch w crutches." amusing.oh well, she wasn't the only one.hah.
everytime i look at my feet now, i feel like laughing. my right foot as in the whole foot is bloated like a pregnant lady. its like i put on weight on my right foot but my left foot is as skinny as ever. and frankly, u know what the weirdest part is? my right ankle looks nicer than my left coz now it seems my left is too skinny...hahaha.....lame....
eh btw thx weeling for ur testimonial. yep i noe, if i be strong i can go through anything but sometimes at that certain point when eveything goes down its hard yea to be strong? hmm....nvm......ms tan was nice. she msg me just nw asking boud my leg. one of those rare people. thx to those who actually cared and bothered to ask. ( at least for those who know abt my ankle ) yep.
im still facing the shock. the co-incidence. what a small world.
.:enamored_hunn was pricked and bled at 10:22:00 pm:.
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last thurs:
sprained ankle.whatever.freak. me and my silliness.
yest:
classmates kept saying thx for spraining ankle. and i kept saying welcum. but some of them were kind tho' said get well soon. but don't blame them la. yea. got stressed up as ms lui was talking about our targets and our results. my results are so far from my targets. as in far worse. nvm abt dat. came down late. they were not ready yet. (netballers) went to buy kaya toast.walked very slowly. they left. then took bus alone there.32. yeah. haii ..
reached there. stoned. looked at ij doing warm-up. looked at us doing warm-up. stoned sumore. ms tan came. tried to comfort me. but i kinda shuned her away (sorry ms tan!) haish. aniwae. noraida came. nvm. played. lost. it was a tuff match ij was really on. we were so off tt day. shots, defending attacking. everything was off. but nvm, lets take this as a lesson i hope. its hard being so helpless outside i wana scream and shout was like sweating throughout the whole 4 quaters even tho i barely had an increase in speed of my walking speed.haish.
went baq to skl with lx. i can really open up with her. thankx gurl. was starting to rain. met mama at canteen. went up. saw cikgu zain first. talked. was so surprised. he said that he expected a distinction from me. he din expect me to get a B3 for my malay Os..yea.i din noe he tot so well of me. din actually haf the confidence. but he said that im the standard of normal hml people to get distinction. and he cant understand why i din get. and he started assuring my mum tat i can get at least a B3 for my hml Os this year. he said i can do it if i put more effort. then went to see mrs cheong. never liked her. yea. but she said to my mum that i can do much better if i put a little effort. more effort in studying. MORE EFFORT again. she said i have the capabilities just a little hard work and my sciences wld be much beta.
then met ms lui. she said the exact same thing. MORE EFFORT. and my A1 will be there. conclusion: more effort and my targets will be achieved. yeah.....i'll always remember thiz..3 diff people saying 3 same things. met mdm lee after tt . she recommended me to dr teoh chin sim . for my ankle . so she gave me her no.
TODAY: a maths ca - ok la, i wanna get a good pass but i doubt i'll get it.
physics ca - ok 2 screwed it up. i need to work harder. haiii..
after ca straightaway went off. went to see doc. teoh with mama. so homely the clinic. i like. dr teoh was nice. she was asking my abt my condition, my family, then she asked me to lie down then she did smth to my ankle twist here and there. kinda hurt. ouch. yea then she told me to tipt oe and walka rd the room. kinda funny haha. den she wrapped my ankle agn in a very pro way.. haha...yeah.. she was like syaing mdm lee my coach? then i said not exactly... then i said noraida then the dr teoh said, " Noraida..hmm...the ex national netball player?" kinda shocked tt she noes her. but i guez noraida's popular. haha...yea dr teoh requested for me to ask noraida to give her a call. she said i wont be able to play for 1 week plus. she's afraid tt i mite sprain my ankle agn. i wonder what she told noraida. sigh. aniwae, it was quite sad to hear tt i can't play for 1 week plus. if they dont win the tanglin match, haii nvm. i really hope so we win. majority of them don't seem to care abt my leg. nvm. feel like crying. got home and on the comp, went on friendster.
BIG BANG. BIG BIG BANG. BIG TEARS. Its like a drama. was so heartbroken. for a moment i felt like kingshaw. i was feeling so SUPERBLY happy at the top of the world and then CRASH. CRASH ! CRASH! im burried deep down a huge tunnel.
FORGET HIM
FORGET HIM
FORGET HIM
DON't BE SO SELFISH
FORGET HIM
but it's so unfair. but i've learnt enough to know that everytime i find someone i really like, it will be never work out
i have to get over it. i really need support now. doens't seem like im getting any. please don't breakdown now.
i will get over this. i won't dread on and on. i noe some people don't like it.
i am weak, i feel so weak and vulnerable. i hate this feeling.
forget him.
.:enamored_hunn was pricked and bled at 10:43:00 pm:.
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ok wait. mebbi mestrual cramps arent the worse of the worse physical pain. the instant when u sprained or twisted ur ankle is most probably more painful. hmm, guez there are more physical pain tt i havent experienced.
yea sprained ankle. no comments. so disappointed at myslef for being so weak. so much for trying to be strong.
.:enamored_hunn was pricked and bled at 9:09:00 am:.
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mestrual cramps are the worst physical pain....
u can barely do anything while in this pain......
currently in pain. haii
.:enamored_hunn was pricked and bled at 5:42:00 pm:.
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i am............
a simple girl.
practical and down-to-earth.
sensitive especially to what other say.
I.....
want you but i cant have you coz u don't know and u might not wanna know
believe in love.
believe love exists among friendship if two person can open up together.
cant say im ugly coz GOD made no one ugly, im ordinary-looking.
look down on people who take advantage of the weaker and who make mistakes (like hurting people indirectly)but don't say (orworse still, feel)sorry when they realize it
All i want in life....
is to not be SOO successful coz sometimes it'll lead to greed for more.
to settle down and find the one.
to be someone's no.1...
life is complicated. maybe I am making it complicated...ha...nvm....
.:enamored_hunn was pricked and bled at 11:33:00 am:.
are we friends or are we not? u told me once but i forgot. sometimes ur near sometimes ur far. sometimes ur there sometimes ur not. at times u make me feel at the top of the world, but at times u also hurt me the most. so tell me dear are we still friends? u told me once but i forgot.
is this what friendship is all about?
.:enamored_hunn was pricked and bled at 11:15:00 am:.
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Besides the quotes from the bible, i think this "essay" is truly true...
and i'd just like to say if there was once when i was in a fit of anger and say word that might hurt, words that i don't mean... i am sorry.truly sorry.this goes to all my friends..i am really sorry.
.:enamored_hunn was pricked and bled at 9:29:00 pm:.
Words are very important. Words can heal and words can harm. Words can hurt grievously and for a long time. The tongue can bless and the tongue can curse. It is very important for us to control our words and tame our tongue when we are angry. Many times, when we are angry we say the most atrocious things. We forget ourselves and become indifferent to what we say. We blast the other person without mercy, although we may not mean those words. But words once spoken cannot be taken back and it takes a long time to forgive and forget. We have to exercise self-control. Many couples are particularly prone to such outbursts when they get mad. But it is not an easy thing to control our tongue when we are provoked, boiled over with anger or have outburst of wrath. It is at such time that we have to learn to hold our tongue and to remain silent. If we can’t tame our tongue, we have to take a break or go for a walk to cool off. It is much easier to control the words before the blow-up than during the explosion.
Uncontrollable words spoken in anger can have devastating effect. Angry words, that are used unthinkingly, such as “I don’t care,” ”I can’t be bothered,” “I don’t need you,” or “you can go to hell” cause pain and feelings of rejection. They give rise to insecurity. The unmeant and foolish words contain full of deadly poison and can play havoc in the mind. The unruly words get churned over for hours on end and create their worst mischief in a difficult relationship. It can take a very long time to forgive what was said. Let us learn to turn away from angry words before they leave our mouth and try to say healing words instead. Father Henri Nouwen said, “It is so important to choose our words wisely. When we are boiling with anger and eager to throw bitter words at our opponents, it is better to remain silent. Words spoken in rage will make reconciliation very hard. Choosing life and not death, blessings and not curses, often starts by choosing to remain silent or choosing carefully the words that open the way to healing.” (“Bread for the Journey,” Sept 5)
We must also be very careful that in our anger we do not label our children with ugly names such as fat, stupid, snake, pig, moron, ‘kay-poh’(busy-body), useless, good for nothing. Such negative words can do harm to them for years to come! Henri Nouwen said, “When we say to someone, ‘You are an ugly, useless, despicable person,’ we might have ruined the possibility for a relationship with that person for life. Words can continue to do harm for many years.” (“Bread for the Journey,” Sept 5) Indeed, we do not want to spoil our relationship with our own precious children. We must always use words to build them up not words to knock them down. Be an encourager not a critic. They have enough people criticizing them but far too few approving and affirming them. So to help our children to fulfill their highest potential we should be their greatest ENCOURAGER. Encourage. Encourage. Encourage on every occasion.
St Paul advises us not to speak harmful words but to use helpful words, “Do not use harmful words, but only helpful words, the kind that build up and provide what is needed, so that what you say will do good to those who hear you.” (Ephesians 4:29 TEV) Also, don’t utter vulgar or obscene words, “Nor is it fitting for you to use language which is obscene, profane, or vulgar.” (Ephesians 5:4 TEV) And no more immoral talks, jokes or gossips “Since you are God’s people, it is not right that any matters of sexual immorality or indecency or greed should even be mentioned among you...You may be sure that no one who is immoral, indecent, or greedy (for greed is a form of idolatry) will ever receive a share in the Kingdom of Christ and of God.”(Ephesians 5:3,5 TEV) St Paul warns us not to quarrel so we are to “Remind our people of this, and give them a solemn warning in God’s presence not to fight with words. It does no good, but only ruins the people who listen...Keep away from profane and foolish discussions, which only drive people further away from God. Such teaching is like an open sore that eats away the flesh.”(2 Timothy 2:14,16-17 TEV) He reiterates that we should “keep away from foolish and ignorant arguments; you know that they end up in quarrels. As the Lord’s servant, you must not quarrel. You must be kind toward all, a good and patient teacher, who is gentle as you correct your opponents, for it may be that God will give them the opportunity to repent and come to know the truth. And then they will come to their senses and escape the trap of the Devil, who had caught them and made them obey his will.”(2 Timothy 2:22-26 TEV)
It is vitally important that we exercise our choice to speak helpful words wherever we are, particularly at home. As Henri Nouwen said, “Words can bring consolation, comfort, encouragement, and hope. Words can take away fear, isolation, shame, and guilt. Words can reconcile, unite, forgive, and heal. Words can bring peace and joy, inner freedom and deep gratitude. Words, in short, can carry love on their wings. A word of love can be one of the greatest acts of love.” (“Bread for the Journey,” June 22) When we choose to speak words of care, words of encouragement, words of praise, words of love, words of admiration, positive words---they uplift and give meaning to our lives. Everyday we need to give and receive words of encouragement, hope and joy. We then create an environment that is pleasant to be in and that gives us the confidence and courage to cope with our stressful life here and now. Henri Nouwen said, “When we say to our parents, children, or friends, ‘I love you very much’ or ‘I care for you’ or ‘I think of you often’ or ‘You are my great gift,’ we choose to give life.
"It is not always easy to express our love directly in words. But whenever we do, we discover we have offered a blessing that will be long remembered. When a son can say to his father, ‘Dad, I love you,’ and when a mother can say to her daughter, ‘Child, I love you,’ a whole new blessed place can be opened up, a space where it is good to dwell. Indeed, words have the power to create life.” (“Bread for the Journey,” Sept 6)
Often, we want to hear words such as, “’I’ve been thinking of you today,’ or ‘I missed you,’ or ‘I wish you were here,’ or ‘I really love you.’ It is not always easy to say these words, but such words can deepen our bonds with one another.
"Telling someone ‘I love you’ in whatever way is always delivering good news. Nobody will respond by saying, ‘Well, I know that already, you don’t have to say it again!’ Words of love and affirmation are like bread. We need them each day, over and over. They keep us alive inside.” (“Bread for the Journey,” Feb 12) “When we say, ‘I love you,’ and say it from the heart, we can give another person new life, new hope, new courage. When we say, ‘I hate you,’ we can destroy another person. Let’s watch our words." (“Bread for the Journey,” Feb 11)
At the same time, we must be careful that we are sincere in our words because if we say, ‘I love you,’ without meaning it, then such words do more harm than good. But if these same words are spoken from the heart, they create new life. They give joy. They bring happiness. We have to make sure that our words are rooted from our heart.
To dwell in peace and joy, we have to learn from Jesus. As Henri Nouwen said, ”The words of Jesus can keep us erect and confident in the midst of the turmoil of the end-time. They can support us, encourage us, and give us life even when everything around us speaks of death. Jesus’ words are food for eternal life. They do much more than give us ideas and inspiration. They lead us into the eternal life while we are still being clothed in mortal flesh.
"When we keep close to the word of Jesus, reflecting on it, ‘chewing’ on it, eating it as food for the soul, we will enter even more deeply into the everlasting love of God.” (“Bread for the Journey,” Sept 20) So it is vitally essential for us to read the Bible, as, “Spiritual reading is food for our souls. As we slowly let the words of the Bible or a good spiritual book enter into our minds and descend into our hearts, we become different people. The Word gradually becomes flesh in us and transforms our whole being. Thus spiritual reading is a continuing incarnation of the divine Word within us. In and through Jesus, the Christ, God became flesh long ago. In and through our reading of God’s Word and our reflection on it, God becomes flesh in us now and makes us into living Christs for today.
"Let’s keep reading God’s Word with love and great reverence.” (“Bread for the Journey,” April 16)
Since love is proved by works and not words alone, “What we live is more important than what we say, because the right way of living always leads to the right way of speaking. When we forgive our neighbours from our hearts, our hearts will speak forgiving words. When we are grateful, we will speak grateful words, and when we are hopeful and joyful, we will speak hopeful and joyful words.
"When our words come too soon and we are not yet living what we are saying, we easily give double messages. Giving double messages--one with our words and another with our actions--makes us hypocrites. May our lives give us the right words, and may our words lead us to the right lives.” (“Bread for the Journey,” June 20)
Should we, then, keep quiet and not speak at all if we cannot live by what we say? No, said Henri Nouwen, “Can we only speak when we are fully living what we are saying? If all our words had to cover all our actions, we would be doomed to permanent silence! Sometimes we are called to proclaim God’s love even when we are not yet fully able to live it. Does that mean we are hypocrites? Only when our own words no longer call us to conversion. Nobody completely lives up to his or her own ideals and visions. But by proclaiming our ideals and visions with conviction and great humility, we may gradually grow into the truth we speak. As long as we know that our lives always speak louder that our words, we can trust that our words will remain humble. (“Bread for the Journey,” June 21)
.:enamored_hunn was pricked and bled at 9:26:00 pm:.
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maybe my angels have come to save me....thank you,i owe it to you, I dont noe how else to express my gratitude to you, besides giving u a BIG HUG and a WARM HANDSHAKE. and i want to especially want the world to noe how nice you are to actually stand among the crowd and call out for me. to save me from falling any deeper. THANK YOU. i will find some means, one way or another to repay u for ur kindness.
GOD has given me you, smth to be thankful of. GOD has allowed me to 'meet' the vj guy, shah, GOD has given me the rezeki. i should be thankful. and i am. tho' it's only 2 things that are to be happy about but a thousand things to be sad about, its better than nothing. tho' sometimes, some people just deliberately make my world go blacker when they KNOW that its already black enuff. don't take my light away. you noe u are important to me. YET, nevermind. I should look on the bright side right? even if i haf one good thing to hold on to, to make me feel better... like weeling sent me this e-mail...i must find the inner courage. YOU will always give me the inspiration to fight through this last 8 months before Os.
i.want.East.Zone.BAck.i.wished.i.had.done.smth.for.the.team.to.win.the.dunman.match.it.sux.when.ur.in.a.helpless.state. and.you.just.have.no.power.fuck.fuck.fuck.shutup.shit.tearing.again.it's.been.such.a.teary.week.right.from.last.sat.during. nike.till.now.i.really.need.the.one.week.break.something.in.me.has.really.changed.i.love.you.guys.so.much.get.up.stay. strong.fight.nationals.sigh.fuck.every.time.i.come.home.from.skl.and.take.31.i.pass.toa.payoh.sports.hall.it's.a.desperate. need.to.go.there.to.bring.noraida.there.
THANK YOU again. you know who you are. you made my day from a terrible day, to a happy day.
HOLD ON.
.:enamored_hunn was pricked and bled at 10:28:00 pm:.
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Hanisah : You are in need of rest, some peace and quiet. You feel the need to be close to that someone special, that someone who can give you that special consideration and unquestioning affection that you seek. If you don't find that 'special someone' and resolve your problems very soon, you are liable to become extremely introverted and cut yourself off from society.
You are greatly impressed by individuality and have interest in people who have outstanding qualities. You try to imitate those people that you admire and their characteristics, hoping that you will be able to display similar qualities in your own personality.
.:enamored_hunn was pricked and bled at 2:46:00 pm:.
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discrimination. sacrifice for you. "you" never did care. never did take notice, not once, not ever. sometimes, humans are hearltess. and that includes me.
.:enamored_hunn was pricked and bled at 10:56:00 pm:.
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