wonder how the mt O level paper is..niwae, fizah is sooo nice, thankx dearie for the card. :) it certainly put a smile on my face...anyway, raf?? *looks around* oii... you owe me a date arh..haii. i want the holz to be like a normal holz..its so unfair... plus whats irritating me is my sis is gg for so many camps and always gg out..den I have to teach my smaller bro...he's like failing his exams...sigh, my muM shouldnt pick on me..i mean like this june holz i stay at home to study, not to teach my smaller bro.. ya lar, im the older sister and all blah de blah...but i have Os leh, and my smaller sis also pandai wat RGS...so what she's buzy so she's excused from teaching my bro? im very hot-temepered when teaching him...i noe,its mean but sumtimes he's just so notty la and rude..and i duduk kat rumah nak blajar....be a bit fair la, cant my sis stay at home too and teach him...haii.fine i shall sacrifice.being older sister suX.

listening to m.c HERO now..ya lar, shall stop staring into space and get sum work done..

.:enamored_hunn was pricked and bled at 11:40:00 am:.
...
i was actualli reading the recruits on the last day of skooL after i came home. i have two choices. go to poly and dont go to U and straightaway go to working life get a job and settle down, OR go jc, U, then work. that'll be hard work. hmm see how ah.
No tuition, no nike tmR.im dead free. haha, for one saturday. oh well. no mood to blog actualli.bye.

.:enamored_hunn was pricked and bled at 12:25:00 am:.
...
argh. so pissed. my headache's getting worse... all these wadver "hu-ha" in life is making me so sick till im realli sick. wonder what i'll be missing in skl today... sigh. been thinking too much and whatever. actually, im glad ili found me in the toilet that day (even tho' i shouted at her "isn't there any place private in this damn school to cry!" right at her face... sorri ili.. *apologetic smile*) eitherwise, i would be just alone. nobody would have known.. once more, the 'strong' hunn has fallen again. bravo!
btw ms chia is soo nice, haha she accompanied me and talk to me whil ei was in sickbay...gave me a wet towel, took my temp blah de blah de blah.owe her a thankx.. didn't see her when mama came to fetch me.

.:enamored_hunn was pricked and bled at 9:16:00 am:.
...
i'll start with a sigh. here i am alone in my bro's room using the comp. i hate this O level thing. restricts what i want to do, what i want to accomplish. man. oh btw didi if you eva read this, thankx yea? for lettingme open up to you. you're probably the 2nd person in the entire world who knows it. yea, it feels great opening up and letting it go once in a while. and i neva expected it to come from you too. i always thought you're one of those who had a 'perfect' family. but i guess no one has it right. and yea, like you said, doa-lah yang termampu. and may those we love dipanjangkan umur coz we mite have no one in this world if not for them. insya-Allah. oh btw, i like the thing you said about like i wanna die first before the person i love die. i so agree.

wonder whats up for the health survey for those suspected cases of eating disorder tmr. cant wait actualli.

.:enamored_hunn was pricked and bled at 5:19:00 pm:.
...
i feel different. i dont noe.cant explain it.

somehow something's not right.i noe it and i can feel it. maybe its me being paranoid again, but mebbi im not. wadever it is, i'd just like to say that, we live once. we love once. we die once. life is too short.too short to make enemies,to deliberately make people unhappy, by giving a cold shoulder. and I FEEL i've been given a cold shoulder. well, the person(s) who has done it should noe who they/she are. if you feel guilty then its you. i just wanna say that im so freaking tired of this immaturity. life is just so short i might die anytime. i dont noe. mebbi tomorrow, one week later, a month later a year or even it could be the next 5 minutes i'll just drop dead. yea, "choy" i noe as the chinese wld say but a fact is a fact. if i die one day, will you still think of me as a hated person in your life? or will you cry for me? sometimes i wonder. everyone is out there to learn, nobody is perfect, everyone makes mistakes. as the saying goes, "laut mana yang tidak berombak, bumi mana yang tidak ditimpa hujan" i've been tolerating it la dats all i can say.. my intentions are good, but obviously, people just take it the wrong way. it's my last year in tk.i started bad, i dont wanna end it bad as well. wadever friendships dat i have hanging in the air, i'll try and hold on to them.for i've been trying for so long. But if this is persistent and continues, I just wanna say I DONT GIVE A FUCK ANYMORE...i would rather spend my time with friends who are more concerned, more MATURE, who can say sorry when they're im the wrong, and tell me my mistakes so I CAN SAY SORRY.

im really sorry, i just wanna express my feelings that i;ve kept for so long.sometimes it just gets so unfair. i haf to face the shit of my dad at home, school is where i can actually seek for the love.and i get it from friends who are willing to care. i hate it when people judge others. yea, i envy those who have 'perfect' families. where food is always served to them when they get home, their life at home is so relaxing, no need to do housework or whatver shit or fighting they dont have to go through it. slowly, i've learnt to accept that i dont come from that kind of family. mebbi that's why my expectations of a friend is so high. will you not make my life more miserable than it already is? i guess i click with people who are more matured.
im just feeling so angry at this moment, so pissed off, so devastated..i noe, i sense people talking behind my back. but noe what? i dont care anymore, yea i used to care a whole great lot in those early sec 1/2/3 days...but now? whats the pt. life is too short, talk all you want, despise me all you want, ignore me all you want, brush me away all you want esp when i need a friend the most. coz im just gonna keep my cool from now on.not get affected.a valuable lesson like this can only be taught throught pain. and the pain is over, now that i'v learnt it finally.


.:enamored_hunn was pricked and bled at 8:52:00 pm:.
...
oh dear...
oh god...
WHY?!! please be okay. please please. I wanna hug you soo much to make u feel betteR. my prayers arent working.come on sista, dont break down now. (as you can see i just read your entry) please please be okay. im so sorry, im so sorry that you have to go through this pain..you dont deserve this..




i guess this is for you sister, what you're feeling now.a song always expresses how you feel ryte...haii
Mariah Carey - Breakdown
You called yesterday to basically say
That you care for me but that you're just not in love
Immediately I pretended to be feeling similarily
And led you to believe I was O.K.
To just walk away from the one thing
That's unyielding and sacred to me

CHORUS:
Well I guess I'm trying not to be nonchalant about it
And I'm going to extremes to prove I'm fine without you
But in reality I'm slowly losing my mind
Underneath the guise of smile gradually I'm dying inside
Friends ask me how I feel and I lie convincingly
Coz I don't want to reveal the fact that I'm suffering
So I wear my disguise til I go home at night
And I turn down all the lights and then I break down and cry

So what do you do when somebody so devoted to
Suddenly just stops loving you and it seems they haven't got a clue
Of the pain that rejection is putting you through
Do you cling to your pride and sing "I will survive"
Do you lash out and say how dare you leave this way
Do you hold on in vain as they as they just slip away

Repeat Chorus

Yeah, c' mon, yeah, c' mon, c' mon
Break break break down
Roll roll roll on
Still it breakin' me on down
Roll roll roll on
Break break break down
Roll roll roll on
Still it breakin' me on down

Better break it down
Only if you let it
Everyday the situation is rockin' my mind
Tryin' to break me down
But I won't let it
Forget it (forget it)

I'll be feelin' like it gonna break me down
Turnin' me around
Stressin' me out
I'm thinkin' it gonna get out
And let me
Release some stress ( stress )

Don't ever wanna feel no pain ( pain )
Hoping for the sun
But it looks like rain ( rain, rain, rain )
Oh, i just wanna maintain

Yeah, i'm feelin' precious, yo
But never the less
Krayzie won't fall
So-ber, is headin' near ( near )


.:enamored_hunn was pricked and bled at 6:58:00 pm:.
...
the feeling of buker puaser is oways so nice...heh..it's like very thankful and all, after one whole day's fasting...AnywaY, rury's hair rox..haha, yea tho' she spend like *scratches head and gives a look* but yea guess it's worth it...it's really nice!! heh.. yes! saved 2.50 today..puaser wad..saving up for something...though i have $ in my account from last time's work, but it's kinda depletIGN..oops, guess i spent too much.. so yea, gotta start saving up la..and also for smth *winks* NIwaEs, hey sIsta, read ur msg on ur blog, take it easy ait? slow and steady wins the race, slow and steady you will survive.
ps: i still want my 9 ice-cream cones!!!

ok gtg write in biggie's 'farewell' book...sho sad.. :(

.:enamored_hunn was pricked and bled at 7:31:00 pm:.

in skl now...blardy chem remedial at two..sigh, guez everthing comes withhard work..anyway sisTa, what did i say ar? i forgot already..hehe mebbi i say until so chim dat i cant even remember...sigh so u shd remember ryte since what i say is true? heh...well glad ur making progress..wait. did i say that already? k nvm, its 2 already....haii..was dozing off in english when jean threw an eraser and had a direct hit on my arm... woke up for 5 mins, den slept again..lerr... haish. im late!!

.:enamored_hunn was pricked and bled at 2:00:00 pm:.
...
finally the comp is working.
a long day today...but yea it felt good dont feel so fat animore...CA kinda sucked actualli, then went we went banquet to eat..but me and weel went GIANT and bought this value-for-money bun..haha 1 bucks onlieh...im good at saving money manz. :) niwae then had the vj match...kinda terpelecok (sp?) like what rury said...hah...yea so its kinda hurting now.its my left ankle not my right ankle. riightt. den to make matter worse i BUMpED into the GD and feel flat on the floor and she din fall. ler. but actualli it was a nice fall. like s plit second everything stopped.then i was in the air. saw ppl around me all spun around. then felt as tho' i was flying. a plit second la then landed.haha. hurt my back a bit but other than that everything's ok i gueZ. vjC. haii. saw HIM playing and training with his team. he din see me. fated ahakz. well, in a way im glad he dint la. minmin was lecturing me coz i was staring too long then she just HAD to remind me that im SUpposeD to forget him...riight. thankx amah, u just noe when to remind me about it. heh. kidding. then went tuition, din really do much was pretty much stoning figuring out how to do. then nike. reached quite late. yea so just join the rest. now im home. HUNGRY.

was just thinking what i did yest. like came home early with the intention to study but NOOO i slack and slack. played the sims for 2 hours. then slept for two hours. then watched pesta perdana. according to fana apparently the writer/penerbit/editor? dunnoe la but i noe she has something to do with rahsia perkahwinan is noraida's sister. yeah. so after that was just playing ard with the phone called p10 then SURPRISINGLY i got thru!! was like menggeletaring(shivering)...first time calling in..heh. oh well, so far i only know cheryl heard the whole dedication. understandable la since it was 12 am dat i called. late-nite show with carrie cheong. then chatted with lala on the fone. im glad glad she's making some progress. by the time i slept it was like abt 1.45 am. ryte. anoi askded me to go sentosa tmr morn. no energy alreadieh. somemore got ngaji Sorri gurl!

heard about stuff that i havent heard that is supposed to be "old news" from the netballies...guez when i was "away" many things happened. like sonia taking part in Singapore Idol.wowz. :) oK ok im seriously hungery now beta go grab a bite. take care all.



.:enamored_hunn was pricked and bled at 8:35:00 pm:.
...
to you dear sistA.......

i noe its hard, to let go to move on...and i dont noe what to say anymore to comfort you, sometimes i feel useless i wish i could be someone who could just wipe away all your pain, ur anger, ur tears...sometimes i blame it on fate, i wish i could just see the bubbly person you used to be, and i want so much to see that again..as an outsider, i feel like im watching a played movie, that i haf no control over..when will you be ok again? when will you start smiling, a genuine smile without the hurt in those eyes....i promise i'll stand by you.rmember the song "just call my name and i'll be there.."? yea.im realli wishing things wld be beta for you. i pray, hard, that's all i can do. i watch you, i watch her, both being crushed.and i stare helplessly, not knowing how to make things better.You've been through so much lately, and i know it has taken a lot out of you, and at times it must seem like things will never be normal again..but anytime in the days and weeks ahead that you need someone to remind you how wonderful you are, im here..i dont have answers to your situations, but i do have a shoulder to cry on, to lean upon and a listening ear to hear you out yea? i wanna wish and wish and wish that everything would be okay. but that's too naive coz wishes are just wishes. you're a fighter gurl, hang in there.. when it's time to move on, move on.but if there's still hope, hope then...till next time gurl, take care and get well.

......................................................

it's amazing that the heart makes no noise when it cracks. amazing how i can cry over someone's love story. explains why i dont cry in movies coz movies aren't real. Real ones that happen in front of my eyes. those i can cry over.

Allah wont give you a test he knows you can handle. hang in there.


.:enamored_hunn was pricked and bled at 11:44:00 am:.

i miss netball.and netball.and more netball. and the people. im glad this week is over, a maths, ss, physics, hist. can relax a bit at least. been sleeping like a pig lately.
HappY mother's Day mama. :D
im happy. i had a great time yest.


.:enamored_hunn was pricked and bled at 8:13:00 am:.
...
had martial arts today, so many ppl pon. wanted to aso but decided to be good and so went. no regretS! haha, the first part was quite boring ah, the chinese and indian martial arts wasnt very good coz their presentation on the their history wasnt very good but yea din learn a bit i guez. then the silat was the best! i haf a new idol. gdbye to pearline! haha.. hmm, im so mean. no la the new idol is in first place but pearline still remains 2nd place... idol idol. haha... she's one of the silat instructors..she got 3rd for some competition, then gonna go in another competition. heh gd luck! :D anyway, yea she's o cool la, oh her name's fiza.kinda dun suit her but nvm...she was like showing my group something la, like a demostration on this self-defence tactic, then she picked me to be her partner to demonstrate..heh. then whao she was like soo tough when she pulled me down while doing the tactic. ahakz. den she was like "ok you just relax k" it's like so hard on the outside but so soft on the inside...haha... k nvm.. me and didi and biggie planning to take up silat after Os...anybody interested? cant wait. but first gotta face the reality of Os. bleargh.

still cant forget filzah's face when she was choking on her ice yest at amk kfc...muakhkahka...i swear it turned purple... haha...sorrie fil... niwae, hope lala gets better before her song fiesta thingey on sat. kecian dier down with a flu, cant even tok. haii get well yea~

time to hit the books. but first its time ot pig in on mama's nasi goreng *licks lips*

.:enamored_hunn was pricked and bled at 7:54:00 pm:.
...
trying very very hard not to let things get onto me. trying not to be irritated and pissed an dangry and end up being sad. try try try.


WHAT WRONG WITH ME NOWADAYS. argh!

.:enamored_hunn was pricked and bled at 11:14:00 pm:.

Please take a moment to relax your mind and humble your heart to focus on ALLAH allow ALLAH , to be the only one on your mind while you read this prayer........

If we can take the time to read long jokes, stories, etc., we should give the same respect to this prayer.

SHUKRAN ALLAH , I thank You for this day.

I thank you for my being able to see and to hear this morning.

I'm blessed because You are a forgiving ALLAH and an understanding ALLAH .

You have done so much for me and you keep on blessing me

Allah Forgive me this day for everything I have done, said or thought that was not pleasing to you I ask now for your forgiveness Allah.

Please keep me safe from all danger and harm. Help me to start this day with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude.

Let me make the best of each and every day to clear my mind so that I can hear from You.

Please broaden my mind that I can accept all things.

Let me not whine and whimper over things I have no control over.

Let me continue to see sin through ALLAH'S eyes and acknowledge it as evil.

And when I sin, let me repent, and confess with my mouth my wrongdoing, and receive the forgiveness of ALLAH And when this world closes in on me, let me remember RASOOLULLAH(SALLALLAAHU-ALAYHI-WASALLAM'S) example to slip away and find a quiet place to pray.

It's the best response when I'm pushed beyond my limits.

I know that when I can't pray, you listen to my heart. Continue to use me to do your will. Continue to bless me that I may be a blessing to others.
Keep me strong that I may help the weak.
Keep me uplifted that I may have words of encouragement for others.

I pray for those that are lost and can't find their way
I pray for those that are misjudged and misunderstood.
I pray for those who don't know about you.
I pray for those that will delete this without sharing it with others.
I pray for those that don't believe.
But I thank you that I believe.

I believe that ALLAH changes people and ALLAH changes things.

I pray for all my brothers and sisters for each and every family member in their households.
I pray for peace, love and joy in their homes that they are out of debt and all their needs are met.
I pray that every eye that reads this knows there is no problem, circumstances, or situation greater than ALLAH .

Every battle is in your hands for You to fight.
I pray that these words be received into the hearts of every eye that sees them and every mouth that confesses them willingly.

This is my prayer. In ALLAH'S Name, Ameen.


.:enamored_hunn was pricked and bled at 7:48:00 am:.
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