i drink from a cup that is used as a Cigarette ahstray. this is the home i was born into. this os the home i gotta accept.

.:enamored_hunn was pricked and bled at 7:42:00 pm:.

one of the firstestttt friends i got to know in aj,
and the firssttt friend to leave aj too..
to go uk.
*sobz*
i'll miss you leong parn!!!!!
it wont be the same without u around..
like when we mug together in library, i just noe that we're boud to feel that someone's missing..ya noe, dat kinda feeling...actually now it feels like two people's missing. sigh.
but anyway, best wishes sayang! my dearest dearest fishcake. the life in uk should be much better here in spore. haha.at least u dont have to do pw. and u can meet lotsa ppl from all over the world.
sigh.but all in all, be happy ah. =)

.:enamored_hunn was pricked and bled at 7:15:00 pm:.
...













THE NETBALL FAMILY POTRAIT
-captured on 25/08/05-



what the heck am i doing up at 2.30am? PROJECT WORK.
sigh.
but remember hunn, always look on the bright side of life..
like im trying to stay positive here so give me some support..
esp at home..
why is it we have to quarrel when these are the times that i need u the most.
sigh sigh.
now what did i do wrong i wonder. it's always me isn't it.haiz.but nvm.
i ate dinner at 11.30.haha.zhiyen's gonna kill me if she finds out. if u happen to read this, firstly, dont kill me, 2ndly, i havent realli said thankx for being there for me when i need someone, so thankx gal. it's realli great. noe you for onli 8 months yet ur close to me like a sister already. funny how i used to think that i'd click with people from similar backgrounds with me, but when i think of u, it seems that i click with people from the total oppoiste of my background.haha. opposites attract and the opposite of the opposite attracts also attracts. lol. no in-betweens i guess. but anyway, thankx darling. *muacks* (adel will be jealous. haha.)

okie, why shd i frown right when i have my frens around me. hmm, gotta keep this spirit burning. =)

.:enamored_hunn was pricked and bled at 2:11:00 am:.
...
always look on the bright side of life...

rem dat song?

lol. just occurred in my head.

now it's time to live up to it. :)





**ada hikmah di sebalik apa sahaja yang berlaku.**

.:enamored_hunn was pricked and bled at 11:21:00 pm:.
...
im confused.

i've been a confused girl lately.

hahaha.

im confused.

confused.

confusion in me.

hmmm, now im really confused.

or maybe blur?

right.

.:enamored_hunn was pricked and bled at 8:24:00 pm:.
...
in skool library now.

bored.

bored.

bored.

even though my work is piling up.

i think im gonna abandon u for a while. haha. sorry.
then my bro would probably stop calling me a "gorrblog"

LOL.

whao.im laughing.haha.fake or real?

tmr gonna see principal...hahaha.what a joke.

oops.bell ring.

.:enamored_hunn was pricked and bled at 2:12:00 pm:.
...
is it possible to dislike someone from your own blood...each day it grows stronger.. and each day i feel more guilty...it's like this war inside of me telling me to be good but at the same time, the emotions of hatred just grow stronger..wqhat in the world is becoming of me?

everyday, i come home. it's a different comment each day..a different NEGATIVE comment. and it all voices down to money to money.it all leads back to money. it all goes all the way back to your old habbits. when will you ever ever change.

what his doing now is so so so ARGH. undescrible.unexplainable.out-of-the-world.dumb. AS.embarrassing. and just plain stupid.

sigh. really need to get hold of my emotions. or im really gonna go bonkerz. i wish abang hafiz was here.faster finish NS and come home. *sobz*

seriously dont noe how long im gonna handle this somemore..please please change.please please stop dng the things that you do. it hurts sia..not physically, but emotionally and mentally.





















sigh.


















besides home, skool? well, not much betta either. basically had pw op workshop. and basically it sux. so yeah. i guess school, is just...school.

i need a new source of energy. maybe a new song. something new and different. sigh.
this is depressing.must smile. coz you never noe when is your last day really in this world. oh no, this is turning sadistic. but i recently just dreamnt about hari kiamat. (the day the world ends) and it scares me. it's like when i pray, sometimes th eonly thing i can think about is kiamat. *shudders*

but really ah, im just leaving everything to fate. even my deepest dreams, for those who know it.

.:enamored_hunn was pricked and bled at 7:53:00 pm:.
...
its amazing how the actions of someone can spoil ur mood for the rest of the day.
maybe coz its someone u care about so much, that it affects u as well.

it's time to remember the song-of-the-year-that-helped-me-survive-last-year.


They can say anything they want to say
Try to bring me down
But I will not allow
Anyone to succeed
Hanging clouds over me
And they can try hard to make me feel
That I don't matter at all
But I refuse to falter
In what I believe
Or lose faith in my dreams

**'Cause there's a light in me
That shines brightly
They can try
But they can't take that away from me**
From me


lol.haha.yes yes.i will not not not be affected. any longer. must pull strong i guess.

oh wow. so much hwk..whats new.






it's a fake hanisah.dont fall for it.

.:enamored_hunn was pricked and bled at 8:16:00 pm:.
...

kutuklah diri sendiri sebelum mengutuk orang lain.
(translation: look at your own weakness first before u look at other people's
my newest latest motto.haha.
helps me stay good. i hope. :S

poeple might say i play safe.im extra careful.im cautious with who i meet.with who i talk to.i dont trust easily.coz of everything that is going on around now,it's hard not to have this feeling of insecurity.yeah.im afraid.of getting hurt.who doesn't. maybe im not the risk-taker.but so what.does it really matter.i believe in fate.do you?

national day celebrations was ok i guess..could have been livelier, but you cant expect much can you. chapteh was fun tho. haha. i wanted to bring one home. but couldn't find any. i think the the guys in 3805 brought it home. maybe i'll go buy one.hahaz. yah and play with my bro at homme.dats nice. lol.






argh!! finaLLY.tmr im going to see HIM.ABDUL MATIN!!! my dearest "baby" cousin.
GEERRAAAM. hahahaha.





Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose

.:enamored_hunn was pricked and bled at 8:51:00 pm:.
...
Iris

And I’d give up forever to touch you
’cause I know that you feel me somehow
You’re the closest to heaven that i’ll
Ever be
And I don’t want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
’cause sooner or later it’s over
I just don’t want to miss you tonight

And I don’t want the world to see me
’cause I don’t think that they’d
Understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can’t fight the tears that ain’t
Coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you’re alive

And I don’t want the world to see me
’cause I don’t think that they’d
Understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don’t want the world to see me
’cause I don’t think that they’d
Understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don’t want the world to see me
’cause I don’t think that they’d
Understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am















there's something wrong with hotmail.i keep clicking on one e-mail and i have to sign in over and over again.so irritating.sigh.

oh well, izarina and atikah are coming ot my house again to bake more chocolate-chip-cookie-biscuit-cake...for n. day celebrations on monday.. hopefully it turns out alright like the cake yesterdaY.i think once they bake theirs im gonna bake for my class on monday..yupz. will do.snd i want to learn how kak fizah bakes the brownies with a layer of chocolate on top of it..YUM. choclate chocolate chocolateS. ok ok stop it already.

anyway, so many things to settle for netball..chalet,trainings, study sessions, whether to go the asean netball thing.,cca page for hrizons 2005,cca ideas and what not...shall take things one by one as they come i guess. and most probably gonne be in the organising committee for open house this year.yup.

im actually quite tired. lol. and thye're coming at 4.maybe i shall take a SHORT nap first.hahaz. kinda feeling emty now. empty and lonely. sigh. but im looking forward to tmr, gonna go out.like finally again with my cousins.not sure do what but at least its something to look forward to.

national day holiday is so not a national day holiday.on tues,gotta meet my PW group to START writing WR. sigh. it's due that same week, the draft i mean. probably half the da ygonna be gone with that. and on WED, from 8.00am to 4.30 pm leadership training.buzy buzy.mama actually asked me whether i could teach tuition volunteeringly. coz she is an exco member of kampung delta mosque, and the mosque takes in muslim teenage guys who are ex-offenders...and one of them taking their N level this year..so she thought maybe i could help...i really wish i could but looking at everything dats happening and me being under apts and all, just can't afford the time. insya-Allah i'll do it during the holz.after promos or smth. or if i have to go to the extent of after A levels. gosh. and seeing the j2s stressing about mugging scares me. all the best to them. :S

ok lah. time for my nap.

.:enamored_hunn was pricked and bled at 2:35:00 pm:.
...
tekong was ok...good luck to all guys (and girls if i must add coz it just might be me) going there... :P

i didn't see my brother there..

dont have the mood to blog today...

training was fun+exhausting at the same time with the recre team..hope we can bond more..

im so irritated that the post drama thing is help at the exact time as my SL, 5-7pm. which means i cannot go since SL came first. i wanna watch the drama! sighX. guess u gotta sacrifice some stuff...and i also Missed the exco handover today. oh well..

probably iza,hammie,ika and some more ppl i think coming over my house to bake cookies for the alumni..yup.

sometimes it's school dat makes me happy actuallI. yet, on the other hand, should i take that bacK.ahaha.




i dread going home each day.

.:enamored_hunn was pricked and bled at 10:21:00 pm:.
...
so much for not going onliNE.haha.

went out with xuemin to eat and study...went to amk library cafe. and i perked up once i saw chocolate! and so as usual i'll order the cheapest of the cheapest (haha call me cheap but im always on tight budget) which was HOT CHOCOLATE. and It is so NOT NICE and not worth the $2.80...waste my money.could have bought my snickers alomnd and caramel nutty chocolate instead.YUM. dats it man, i'll just stick to 70cents milo at skl (even that it ex coz other skls sell it for 60cents!) or my own home-made hot milo at home.. yeay. the great chocolaty taste! hahaz.

tmr gg Pulau Tekong.cant wait to ssee my bro there...hahaha...if he doesn't acknowledge me when im there.....................

you are invinsible to me when i get home each day.you dont understand ur responsibility.if i could i will rebel.but i wont coz ur still dad.coz it will still sin. i lost all respect for you since that day.you dont noe what its like to save money.you only know how to borrow and never return. you are the cause of mama's anger. mama's headaches. mama's hatred.abang's extra worries.hariz's bad example.nana looks at you and can only sigh.i just hope my siblings dont follow my steps.i dont hate you.i despise you. when will you ever change. how many chances have we all given to you till i've lost faith in your words,promises. eveytime you do somthing again.it's not about me your hurting, it's about mama and your two youngest children.dont you care? what will happen to them. stop hurting mama.she's handled enough of your nonsensce.frankly i've had enough of this too.i've kept this so long.i know, everyone has their family problems.but you! you still have life.why dont you just treasure it and change.change for the better.JUST STOP THE NONSENCE! stop it coz i cant stand it and neither can mama. you think mama's enjoying this??i have to hear her talk to you in a bad way.and i dont blame her coz its ur fault.stop losing you freaking job on purpose.stop creating trouble at work.stop making me lie to your boss.where were the times when you still prayed to GOd. when u set a good example for me and my siblings.i long for the time we pray together again.for i cant remember the last time i asked for forgiveness.stop doing it. stop doing the outrageous things that you do that dont make sense. dont make me hate you eventually coz i dont want to.im sorry dad.somehow because of u, i lost faith in other things too.hurt me,i dont care, but my smaller siblings are still young.they need to see good at home.please change for them,they need a dad. especially hariz.i cant take a different comment about you each day.coming home being mute towards you.dont let the little hope i have for you fade off totally.

"You fight about money, bout me and my brother
And this I come home to, this is my shelter
It ain’t easy growin up in World War III
Never knowin what love could be, you’ll see
I don’t want love to destroy me like it has done
my family"

.:enamored_hunn was pricked and bled at 6:59:00 pm:.
...