holz are here and i've been enjoying myself the past 2 days.
which i totally dont regret cause it's been spent with my loved ones beside me. :)

just some random thoughts:
i always thought that no matter who the person is, dont hate him/her be neutral. be nice.
but.
sadly.
the more i hang around with this person, the more angry i am. so stay far away. sorry to say this, but you're just not worth it. i dont need another reason or another thing to worry about. i dont need it really. there's enough on my mind. so for the first time im saying this. buzz off. im really angry. and it takes quite a lot to make me angry. most of the time i'll end up being disappointed, but not with this person.
sorry, just had to let that out.

well, today went escape. thanks to bugger! hehee free tix! free meal and ice cream. dont ya just love free stuff.haha. yeah but the rain. =( and i had to go home early some more. nonetheless, it was fun. though really queueing up sux. plus inverter was closed for maintanence. and never in my life am i gg to ttry games stall again. hehe. they would noe what i mean. :P

yest. XMEN 3! yeay.loved the show.many ppl dont like it coz of the deaths of them at the end of the movie, bt it's good right. not all stories have happy endings.
to VIII: sorry if i screwed up the planning of the outing. :(

up next:
AB CAMP 2006
MLDDS trip to MALAYSIA.
tution taufiq.
a bit of training here and there.
bbq.
and hopefully, mugging after that.

frankly, im quite scared i'll screw up my mid-years.

and the last week of skl sucked. really. big time. except for me being able to spend some time with fizah finally. =) thanks dear for hearing me out at banquet. and i didnt see radziah's mum there.

go with the flow. take it in your stride.

one thing at a time.

it's funny when the people you love disappoint you. there are others whom you love too who will somehow cover up. and the other way round as well.
i would like to whine and complain and cry and be angry and "fight back" over that day.
but when i think of it again,
who am i to do all that.
really.
sometimes i wonder.
why do the people closest to your heart always seem so far away at times. like mama. why. and many others.
who am i.
ultimately, you just have to accept it and live on.
you have to have peace within yourself.
and to have peace, eliminate anger. sadness. and disappointment in people you have high hopes for.
ppl who crush your hopes. and others who arent there when hope is crushed.

just keep swimming,
swimming
swimming.
inspiration from findin nemo. haha.
hold on to those who still have faith in you.
hold on to those who are still there for you.
hold on to those who love you.
yet,
still hold on to those who dont.
but let them come back on their own.
dont force things that are not meant to be.

.:enamored_hunn was pricked and bled at 8:18:00 pm:.
...
traumatised.


i was traumatised and still am.


suddenly im not so positive that things will turn out ok. i guess i over looked a lot of stuff. i thought and still stubbornly think its going to be simple. 3 months aint long i keep telling myself.but it is.
bitter smile.
im a stubbornly selfish stupid girl.
ARGH.
WHY.

it's more than i thought.

damn. this is getting too personal. it's time to go back to dear diary. desperately fast i need you now dont break down now.

.:enamored_hunn was pricked and bled at 8:36:00 pm:.

me to fizah:

ok! but i can only make it on the third and fourth week kays. first week ab camp 2nd week malaysia!!! :) :) ohh.btw did you sign up for the tutoring by ex-ajcian thing?


the housing agent is at my house now. looking around, talking to my mum. truth is beginning to sink in. the first truth i think i've come to terms with it, another one starting to sink in. im mentally exhausted really. fizah i need a nice hug hug from yoU!!! think i can hug someone till i cry today.
it's weird la. things around here.just weird.
i think lala's back from jakarta. i miss her. :( i want a hug from her too.
next week-
thank god it's the last week before june holz.
and also, at least there's something to look forward to. X men 3 with VIII on saTURday! yeayness. booked tix already.can barely wait to meet themm and to watch the movie.
dont think im joining my class on tues to watch da vinci code tho. probably have tution with taufiq again and really, looking at things now, i better watch out on my spending. and looking at how last week i spent money like a real rich kid, now i feel so guilty. i think i better fast again.haha.

.:enamored_hunn was pricked and bled at 5:08:00 pm:.
...
a lot of shoutings in one week.

vball A div- AJ CHAMPS!
bball A div -- AJ first ruNNer up!

and i think both teams were superb. excellent play. makes me wanna go for more vball and bball matches. and it really showcasted the aj school spirit! though there was a pang in me when i entered toa payoh sports hall, and when i found out today that tj won rj by 10, more be che.but somehow, i found solace ins creaming and screaming for aj. haha. and really hoping and praying that vball and bball would win. and even though bball didnt get champs, but they were FANTASTIC. and my bro HOnCHAN. woohoo! 3 cheers for all of them! though i barely know them personally, but very very proud of em'.

i'll miss singing AJ boLEh. =(



im still too high and too low, to get down to work properly. but seeing the amount of workload this week. whao. plus tmr whole day will be taken up by ab camp in the morning, maulud at mosque in the afternoon and ab camp recee again at night from 5.30 pm to 11pm.

and i still dont noe what am i doing here dealing with emotions when i should be starting my work. darn. =(

ohh.and happy belated bdae zaw. =) =)

.:enamored_hunn was pricked and bled at 9:20:00 pm:.
...
dont be afraid of going slowly but be afraid of standing still.


im really picking myself up at a slow rate.but im happy about it. though i noe i dont have much time really.but at this point in time, in the midst of catching up with tutorials and all, all i wanna do is spend the extra time with the poeple around me. cause it'll make me happy. and there's nothing i need to keep me living through this period of time and not thinking too much about stuff then happiness. smile every day!


if people are poor i can understand why. i wrote an essay on that before. but i cant stand people who are so stubbbornly stubborn, living on their own, dont wanna try and gather themselevs together and just say "hey you got a life to live and a family" even though many MANY opportunities have been given to them. people who are not appreciative of what they have but wallow up in self-pity for long LOng periods of time.wHY WHY WWWHHHYYYY. someitmes i feel like shaking them.or him more like it.
yet, at these very few times, i feel such great sympathy for them. seeing him like that kills me sometimes. but i get so angry too. that its no loss to me anymore. just adjustments that we need to make in a situation we put ourselves in. but i wonder, will he still continue living like that. its more complicated then i thought. more complicated no matter how much simply i want to put it. it's not. as what the great avril lavigne will say.why'd u have to go and make things so complicated.hah.

"i will not let myself cause my heart so much misery".


ok.on a lighter note, bball guys got into finals.!! and wathcing vball tmr with bugger xuemin and nabing. haha.jiayou to them. tpsh is being used on wed, thur fri for vball, netball and bball finals. wed and fri ajcians will go there. if only on thurs there was an oppportunity for them to come down too.sigHX.

.:enamored_hunn was pricked and bled at 6:39:00 pm:.
...


the 7 agents. (or elves?)

















the target! happy birthday!





























VII. love.
















oh manz. i cant get the engine to work to start on homework.
practically slacked throughout today.
yet im still not starting now.

happy mom's day to all the wonderful moms out there who sacrifice so much for their children! especially to my mum =)

.:enamored_hunn was pricked and bled at 9:05:00 pm:.

like i said before, making one's day makes my day too..

happy advanced birthday farhanah!!!!
VII rocks!! love them to bits and pieces. :) :)

had a surpirse bdae party for fana today. i can never forget the ppt slides lx made for us.7 agents with a mission-the surprise party for fana.

yeayness.though it wasnt a hundred percent successful but im glad she's happy. :)
fana must stay happy ok!

haa.it all started with lx dragging fana out of the house to "study".the poor gal kept messaging me saying she's in cant conc, in agony.lol.dont blame u.if it was me i think i would be so fidgety too. who wouldnt when there's a surprise part coming up and ur "studying" a few hours before it.haha.
the poor brownie cake had to take a one hour 15 mins journey on bus 28 from my house to tampines.i was so fidgety on the bus.couldnt wait to get off. then met the other 3 agents (haha!) and we were off to fana's house.
lol.after decorating the house with balloons and the words happy bdae, and preparing the love actually scene, we had a full dree rehearsal. deb made it so funny.lol. we practised "SURPRISE!!!" and tried to stop laughing after that. haha.
haiz.


poor LX took a cab down to beat fana back to her house. eh cab fare is on us too ok. i hope she counted that.
lol.and then the bdae gal came! heh. it was funny and touching at the same time. but it was great seeing fana smile! credit really goes to LX for coming up with the idea of a surprise party. :) :)
as usual after loads of photos taken and gossiping and updating each other on the ones who already have a love life. haha. had to go grandma's house. dont noe how long the others stayed tho but, those few hours we spent together as VIII, really made my day. love you alL!!! yes.27th may ok! X men 3, not S men 3.haha.

.:enamored_hunn was pricked and bled at 12:11:00 am:.
...
peace....

thats the only thing i felt at marina square food court yesterday during the AJC netball 2006 team dinner.

kinda speechless.dont noe how to descrie what im feeling coz im not even sure what i am feeling.

many thankyous to say.


many many.


and many sorry's too....


this year's season has been a whole lot of great experience and exposure. it taught me what really is a team game. it taught me patience and it made me realise more of my weaknesses and strengths. now, i see things in a diffrent light.

i thought we would really make it, but i guess it's just not ours this year. i dont think i've seriously fully come to terms with it, but time will heal all wounds. it's already healing.but slowly.i guess the match that made created the biggest wound was tj match.

the thing is, this team, is really there is no superstar.there is no one outstanding player like the other teams competing. like suddenly there's some U-19 player or watsoever. it was the aj superstar team as coach has always said. it was never just one player, PLayer X that made us win or lose. It was the whole aj team.

i guess thats what made the wound so deep. because everyone had the share in the win or lost.


credit really goes to miss dawn tan, who put in so much effort in doing so many things for us, for hand-holding me as a capt, guiding me, and protecting us in one way or another. words cant express my gratitude to her. sacrificing her time and all. i just feel very sad she didnt get to cut and spike her hair. haha.
and to mr sanuse too. he rocks!

and of course to our dearest seniors, shiqi xiaotong zhenyun xiaode. who's been there supporting us. things would have been different without them around. some people might not be motivated to play. ;)

even to outsiders whom i never knew before, like sharon, she's a nice friend? teacher? assistant coach? haha. but she's helped quite abit so thank you to her too.

and of course. the ultimate. jiao lian. she is one great coach. i've been lucky to get super duperb coaches for the past 9 yearas. jiao lian chon tee. i guess i've learnt a lot of Chinese from her too. haha. the best thing about her is she can be a very very nice friend to talk to. and her laugh is contagious. i'll always remember her scoldings. haha. no one can ever and will ever shout "HUNNY!!" so loud again. she rocks! i've learnt so much from her really. she's like a mum i never had. =)



dont cry because its over.smile because it happened.
i guess it's time to move on.
i just wanna shout out to my aj netball team 06, i love you people!!!!

.:enamored_hunn was pricked and bled at 10:51:00 pm:.
...
haha..nat, yeah. i guess you do understand. a bit if not a lot. but there's a lot of things i've been keeping to myself lately. and i kinda regret that. but hey really there was barely enough time to do any serious real talking last week. that it has passed now and moving on..

whats new..


we're always moving on.....


tution yesterday and tution today. im getting a little freaked out that taufiq's oral is on tues...dont think he's very prepared...sighs.



hibernate. tuition. hwk and dia today. =) i just love my life.

.:enamored_hunn was pricked and bled at 10:08:00 am:.
...